A friend of mine posted this image on facebook today:
I try really hard not to respond to these things, however I
had such a visceral response to this, that I feel the only way to calm down is
to express my thoughts. These thoughts include the following arguments:
1. It
is not my job to stop a stop myself from being raped. It is my job to ensure
that I do not rape. Conversely it is EVERYONE ELSE’S JOB (both men and women)
to ensure they also do not rape.
2. We
live in a rape culture where it is used to amuse and entertain – it is an
adjective to the point where the word almost becomes meaningless when a person
uses it to describe a supreme and total violation of self. Post like this one
only continues to perpetuate this issue. Studies have shone that our culture’s
propensity for making light of rape actually allows rapists to think, “everyone
else is doing it, and it’s normal.”
(for example a study done in 1999 found that “These individuals’ propensity to rape was
significantly related not only to their acceptance of rape myths and of
traditional ideas about male and female sexuality, but also to their belief
that male sexual aggression is normal.”)
3. I
find it reprehensible that people are using rape, a horrendous torture of a
person with life long effects, in an attempt to block new gun regulations.
REGULATIONS that don’t actually take away your guns. They close loopholes in
background checks to keep guns out of the hands of people who shouldn’t have
them. It makes extended magazines for civilians illegal, which frankly you
don’t need in order to defend yourself from an intruder or to hunt. In most
mass shootings since extended magazines became legal for citizens the shooter
is only taken down when they have to stop to reload. So logic dictates that if
they had fewer bullets there would be less people injured or killed before they
had to reload (see the Gabriel Gifford shooting). Finally it takes military
style automatic weapons out of the hands of civilians. Military weapons belong
in warzones. You do not need an AK47 to defend your home and frankly they are
counter-productive when hunting.
Finally women are so unprotected in every other way by
Conservatives (god they don’t even know how to describe our bodies) that they do NOT get to play the “I’m for your protection “ card at this point. It’s waaaay too late for that.
That is all I have to say for now. I have so much more things I could say, but I'm attempting to control myself.
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I think you put conservatives in a box. No I don't need an AK47, but I would love to get a hold of a 22 pistol. I do believe that a woman should be able to get an abortion if they are raped. And so do most conservatives. Often liberal media (like conservative media) finds the craziest people with "conservative views", and then warps that. Do you realize how hard it is just to buy pepper spray online in California? Don't get your feelings hurt, I think you don't understand conservatives at all. Have you ever sat down and had a civil conversation with one? You'll find there a lot more alike than you think. BTW. I'm a LIBERTARIAN, with conservative leanings. I don't believe in raping people, but you better be sure I want to protect myself. Just because my belief system says that my rights stand just before I hit the other person's nose, does not mean that that person will not take the chance of hitting mine.
ReplyDeleteWhat is scary about the new regulations is the definition of assault weapon. The news never says what they mean by an "assault weapon". That could be a pretty wide range of weapons, including a 22 pistol that shoots accurately and easily. The point of having a gun isn't just for our own protection. I think this gets lost on a lot of people. The 2nd amendment was put in place, not because the people of the times needed protection from bears. But from a government that was knocking on their doors, and putting their soldiers in at night without compensation.It was meant to protect us from our own government. So civilians not being able to have extended magazines, but police can? Something is scary fishy.
As for rape culture: I get it, I understand how assuming a culture that teaches men male aggression will lead to more rape. How have I worked to stop this: I am marrying a guy that respects women so much, that he throws away the trashy magazines of his co-workers. I want to have his kids, so that when I raise my boys, they will respect women too. I honestly don't believe that the conservative movement in general has lead to more men justifying rape. The conservative movement I am talking about is Christian in origin, so I should clarify. These types of people generally don't drink, don't do drugs and often don't believe in divorce. They are often against pornography, which lets face it probably has led to quite a few more rapes than saying "breast feeding stuff".
I think the media you read has led to a lot of misconceptions, which is why this has made you angry. I urge you to make a conservative friend, seriously, and stop judging conservatives based off of the memes you see on Facebook.
I think you have missed the point of this blog post, the majority of this post says nothing about Conservatives until the very end, instead the blog post speaks to how inappropriate the original meme is.
ReplyDeleteNow to your comments, I am going to side step the abortion issue since I don't really think it is necessary to open another difficult subject for people. Assuming you don't have a record or anything you can get a 22 if you would like, go for it, I could not care less. You are correct the 2nd Amendment was intended to allow the general population to defend themselves against a tyrannical government, which just to clarify would be a government that was either not democratically elected or acting outside the pre-agreed upon powers the people have given the government (this does not include sour grapes if you do not agree with who won). Also I do not find it frightening that the police (who are trained and regulated) would have access to extended magazines, but that is just me. I completely stand behind the thought that civilians DO NOT need an extended magazine. Finally an assault weapon, is defined as an automatic weapon, in order to prevent people from getting any guns the constitution would have to be changed, which no one is suggesting.
Ok now to rape culture, altering how our culture deals with rape is everyone's responsibility, political leanings should have nothing to do with that.
I think that you have entirely missed the point of this post and are bringing a lot of other issues, that are related yes, but often used to divert from the original issue (which I am sure isn't what you intended but is certainly how it feels when I read your comment). The post is speaking to how wrong it is to use fear as a weapon to push your own agenda and rest assured posting memes like the one above are doing just that. Everyone is free to their own opinions, but it is how those opinions are shared that I take exception with. I love having debates with people about the issues our society is currently plagued with and potential solutions however when one side (any side) resorts to fear mongering true debate stops and creative solutions suffer.
Also since apparently it's relevant I have many friends who identify as conservative and many friends who don't.
@Ashley, your fiancé sounds a bit rude to throw out other people's personal possession, that they paid good money for. And to blame the pornographic industry for rape--there are no words to describe my outrage. Rape is an act of violence. PERIOD. Porno is an artistic expression of two CONSENTING adults fulfilling an act of CONSENSUAL sex so that others like myself can feel that we're not alone in our fantasies.
ReplyDeleteThere are other way to gain confidence and to protect yourself than getting a gun. MMA for example offers a multitude of different programs that will not only teach you how to protect yourself, but it's also a great way to stay in shape, and feel confident. A gun seems like a lazy alliterative unless you are genuinely prepared to end a life.
Becky- They put it on his toolbox because they know he doesn't like to look at it. For the first couple of months they thought he was gay because he didn't want to look at these magazines.So of course, being men, they've taunted him with it. Because he actually cares what he is looking at. It isn't video porn, its women who are computered up, and unrealistic. Porn helps men, who are incredibly visible creatures (general population) compare them with their partners both heterosexual and homosexual alike. The sad thing is, you can never truly be happy once you start comparing someone to your imagination. I know, I used to watch porn. Been free of it for over 3 years now.
ReplyDeletePornography does affect rapists, you could interview 100 rapists and I guarantee you about 99 watched pornography first before they ever raped somebody. You see a lot of them suffer from an unhealthy view of sex. They see something, and they want it, and it becomes a new high for them once they get it. After awhile, they lose the high and look for something else. This pattern continues over and over again, until they start raping. I am not saying all people who watch porn are rapists. Its a bit like a gateway drug, only its legal. I myself, don't need it. Nor do I want to get rid of it, I think people should be able to choose how they spend their time.
Okay, if they were taunting him with images he found personally offensive by posting them in his personal space, then I apologize for calling him rude. That's harassment on their part.
DeleteAs for your comment about porn being a gateway drug for rapists, you do realize that correlation doesn't equal causation, right? Because by that logic you might as well say that 'oh this pudding tastes good and it has milk, therefore everything that has milk in it must taste good too.' Just because rapists watch porn doesn't mean porn is responsible or even necessarily encourages them to rape. Rapists become rapists because of their own personal pathology, period. If they choose to take certain messages a certain way (even if ever so slightly) to fit their own personal needs, it is still their choice. Because there is a huge difference between fantasy and reality, and once you cross that line there is no coming back. Rapists know that. They know what they are doing is legally if not morally wrong (I only say this because morals do vary from person to person. For example, psychopathic rapists have broken amygdalae, and thus are incapable of comprehending/feeling the full spectrum of human emotions. Therefore they don't actually posses many if any morals), but if they choose to commit rape anyway, it isn't because porno pushed them there. It means, that somewhere in their history, something drove them to seek out porn to alleviate a fantasy. If they are not satisfied by watching consensual sex or practicing it themselves, then it means they were never going to be. So this whole assertion of yours that, "pornography...probably has led to quite a few more rapes than saying "breast feeding stuff"," is completely illogical. Because of course rapists watch porn, but under no circumstances can you viably say that porno dictates how people choose to spend their own time.
Not to gang up on you Ashley, but Bexter is correct a correlation does not equal causality it is as simple as that.
DeleteI deliberately tried to avoid the topic on of pornography when you first brought it up because I can tell you have made your choice about what you think it does and while that choice is based on bad data I highly doubt all the good data in the world is going to change your mind so I am simply going to say that porn does not create rapist, porn is not an inherently bad thing and believing it does/is, is an over simplification of a very complex issue.
Since you like to urge people to have coffee so much I urge you to have coffee with some sex workers and see what their thoughts on the matter and I bet you will find people who love their work and think it is great and other people who do it because it pays the bills, just like any other profession.
Now I am done talking about the relationship between porn and rape, I refuse to continue to talk in circles, but please do not take my silence as agreement or validation for what is posted after this point, but rather I find my pen is running out of ink and I am waiting for a re-fill.
Brandalini and Haleigh- The meme wasn't meant to be fear mongering. It was meant as a laugh, (btw, She is holding the gun wrong.)I get BOMBARDED almost all the time by my liberal friends comments and memes. I was happy to finally have a meme I could agree with. I am so sorry that you see it as fear mongering, just as much as I see the post on the bottom as fear mongering. It happens a ton more on the liberal side than you guys ever honestly tell yourself. and well, I am so SICK AND TIRED of the memes that are out of context (like the bottom one) and really have nothing to do with the conservative agenda. It was nice to have something (even if it is slightly out of context of the liberal agenda) I could post. The thing is, all these memes are just masks that show part of our agendas without needing to do any research because lets face it, we feel too busy to sit down and think anymore about politics until the next general election. Well at least I am. Wedding to plan, places to volunteer, meager jobs to do, 4 year old niece to babysit, master's classes... etc. (sleeps important too)
ReplyDeleteHaleigh- I still urge you to sit down and have coffee with a conservative friend. You can even have coffee with me (I'll even pay,hopefully I haven't ruined a friendship again with a stupid meme) You can sit down and tell me your beliefs on anything and I'll tell you my beliefs, what I know most conservatives typically believe since I doubt you look at FOX more than an out of context quote just as much as I don't listen to NPR. And I'll sit and listen to what you as a PERSON believe and have to say about politics in general. Not a meme. And don't give me any shit that you watch FOX everyday, unless you are unemployed and have that much time to spare. I don't even watch the news anymore.I read local news mainly. I'm getting my Masters in Public Administration, (politics that manage) and I still don't have time to research and rebuttle all the crap that happens on facebook, or on Fox. and I really don't trust any internet source to give me an absolute answer to anything. I'm pretty sure, and hopefully you will agree, that we really put memes on facebook not to fear monger a population, but to show our support for a certain side of a coin. Frankly no one ever changes their opinion on a topic unless they have a life changing moment. So why argue?
I could write a whole list of why the bottom meme is inappropriate. But I have no time for that. I need to sleep. Work in the morning.
I do however have time for coffee. My treat. Whenever you get back to Cali. If you can. Its been what 10 years? That's a pretty long time. I don't know when I'll ever be in Ontario, Canada. I'm sorry that this put you in such an emotional state.
Again I am sure this isn't how you intended your post but what I have just read says that you don't have enough time to stay informed about the issues and if I do clearly my life isn't full enough. I am letting you know this not to start a fight, but just so you are aware in the future of how important framing and word choice can be.
DeleteMy life is non-profits and working with people who are in a constant state of crisis, what that looks like varies depending on the individual and my role in their life, but the very nature of my work demands that I maintain some sort of awareness of the larger context around me. To be an effective advocate for change one must keep an awareness of what is going on around them and so yes I do spend a lot of my "free" time attempting to keep informed on issues and no I don't just wait until an election to start paying attention again, I want to know what politicians and law makers are doing when they think no one is watching.
I am in no way an expert on all things, but I do attempt to have a solid base before ever entering into an argument around politics and policy. Politics and policy are how we shape the world around us and how we show the world what we think and what we value. Is is exhausting to keep up with? Yes, absolutely. Is it worth every it of my time? I firmly believe so. What do I do if I don't have the time to keep up with an issue (which of course does happen sometimes)? I refrain from giving my thoughts, it does not matter what I think if I could not be bothered to take in the entire situation before giving my assessment, which I believe is a lesson everyone can take something from (I know I do everyday).
While I appreciate these offers for coffee on my part I will have to respectfully decline as I have no interest in going back and forth on how we "feel" about general topics and would rather use my time discussing specific legislation and I would never want you to feel like you were being attacked simply because you were unable to speak to the issues I was discussing.
My final thought is based on the comment about no one changing their opinion unless they have a life changing moment, I find that to be very short sighted. My feelings and gut response absolutely are very difficult to change, my opinions based on fact however are forever evolving and changing. My thoughts on almost any topic have evolved and shifted constantly throughout my entire adult life. As I have become aware of new points of view and new data I adjust my opinion to reflect this new information. Frankly any opinion that can not with adjust and move is not an opinion in my view, but rather a bias that can only hinder understanding.
I apologize for how long this comment is and that it is in two parts, but @Ashley, I wanted to address as much of your comment as I could in a thought out and calm manner…
DeleteComment Response Pt 1
I will admit that I see more liberal memes than I do conservative ones. But I’ve never seen a liberal one using rape as an excuse to push a political agenda. And if I did, I would find it just as disgusting. And If I do find one, I’ll probably write about it. I’ll repeat what I said in a facebook comment on your page: all this meme does is put blame on political parties instead of where the blame truly belongs: on the rapists. Comments/memes like that are basically telling rape victims that they are getting raped because of one thing or another – in the case of this meme, because they didn’t support the conservatives and get a gun. And that is just plain wrong. It is nobody’s fault but the rapist’s. If this had been switched and the “liberal tip” had been about getting a gun, you can be damn sure I’d be just as incensed. The reason I brought up the meme at the bottom is to juxtapose the two. The original meme is taking the stance that Conservatives are better equipped to protect women and frankly I don’t trust a group who’s male leaders don’t really even understand the female body and want to regulate MY reproductive and sexual rights. That is why I said if we’re playing that kind of game, Conservatives are going to loose.
About this coffee thing, I DO have conservative friends and I DO discuss things with them. And frankly I have liberal friends with whom I disagree. Brandalini and Bexter for example. We have different views on many things and generally we come to a compromise, but there are political and social topics that we just don’t agree on. And that is okay. But one of the things we do agree on, is that this meme using rape is not okay. And no, you haven’t ruined a friendship, friends are allowed to disagree.
As a point, I don’t watch Fox everyday, but even if I did, I wouldn’t have to be unemployed and sitting around all day to do it. Yes I listen to NPR, but not religiously and I also read local news. And I agree with you, I also don’t have the time to research EVERY SINGLE thing that gets put on facebook – to do so would probably drive me insane. But there are certain issues that I have to take a stance on, and this is one of them.
I honestly don’t care what people’s political leanings are. As long as you are a decent human being, you don’t rub it in anyone’s face and you are responsible, then it’s your business. I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind or convert them to some cause. What I’m saying, and I apologize if it didn’t get through and you felt attacked personally for your political beliefs, is that this particular meme is exceedingly offensive, to BOTH liberals and conservatives, to people in the green party or any other political group. It’s offensive because it makes light and turns into a punch line a horrific crime that all political parties need to be concerned about. Rape is never going to go away – there will always be people with actual mental psychosis that are going to do it because it is about power and control, not about sex, not about politics and not about guns. But awareness and education can make a huge impact. Local governments and agencies are now beginning to target men in their anti-rape adds. And you know what? It’s working. “Don’t Be That Guy” is gaining momentum here in Canada. This is the website if you are at all interested in learning about it: http://www.savedmonton.com/about-our-campaigns.html
Comment Response Pt 2
ReplyDeleteYour comment: “Frankly no one ever changes their opinion on a topic unless they have a life changing moment. So why argue?” My first response to this was “REALLY!?” And I spent a few moments swearing at the wall. I’m going to try to respond to this as succinctly and as respectfully as I can:
1. The opinions I had when I was five years old, in elementary school, in jr. high and in high school, do not reflect the opinions I hold today. For example, in high school I thought guys wearing baggy jeans that showed their underwear where cool and hot. Today, I think they look like small children trying to wear their father’s pants and need their mother’s help to get dressed in the morning. I was never offended, hurt or otherwise traumatized by a man wearing baggy pants. My opinions changed as I grew older and learned about the world.
2. Rhetoric. Defined as: “the art of effective or persuasive speaking or writing, especially the exploitation of figures of speech and other compositional techniques” Rhetoric has been a central part of Western Education since the ancient Greeks, all the way to the 19th century when it was a specialized topic in schools. And it's used all the time today. From political speeches to the ads you see on television or in the newspaper. You don’t NEED a life changing experience to change your opinion. Our entire society is basically hardwired to rally behind inspirational speakers, molding our ideas into theirs. How do you think cults get formed? Or movements get started? I’m not saying rhetoric is always a good thing – it can clearly be used as a force for evil as well as good.
3. “So why argue?”… well, I’m not sure how to answer that. Mainly because I don’t see why this is even a question. Why should I donate to a charity? Putting a $1 in the Santa’s red tin while he rings a bell outside the department store isn’t going to solve poverty or hunger. So why do it? Next time I’ll just walk by him and say: “Things are the way they are so why argue? Why try to change things?” A friend of mine is a social worker and she said to me once: “Haleigh, people ask me why I do what I do. They say: ‘What is the point when you can’t help everybody?’ I tell them: ‘It’s not my job to help everybody. It’s my job to help that person right there in front of me. That’s my job.’” When you see something that’s wrong, an opinion, an action (which are generally fueled by opinions), you stand up and DO something about it. Whether that is giving some money to Santa or making a blog to try and tell whoever will listen, that No, I won’t sit idly by saying nothing about something I believe is wrong. Of course I’m not changing everybody’s opinion. Of course I’m not going to make rape disappear because of this. But I am not going to lie back and watch it happen. That’s why you argue. You argue to show that you won’t be silent.